Back on the Band Wagon

This is me...plump as ever!  For a very long time I hid from the camera.  I didn't want this body documented in any way, shape or form!  Then I read an article about how important it was to be in pictures with your friends and family.  This is me now.  It's how my kids will remember me if I die tomorrow.  Can you imagine how sad they'd be if they didn't have any pictures with me in them?  They don't see my fat.  They see me as their mom. 

I also hid from my facebook friends.  Especially the ones from high school.  I didn't want them to see I'd gotten fat.  But again, I thought this is me now and if someone has a problem with the now me then they can delete me.  Good riddance. 

Yes, friends, I have gotten fat.  It happens.  I refuse to make excuses.  

I have joined Weight Watchers for the last time in my life.  This is it!  I'd love for you to follow me on this terrifying journey I'm about to embark on.  I joined on Sunday.  I joined online.  I don't want to go to the meetings.  I tried before and all I wanted to do after was eat.  It was terrible.  I hated them.  So online it is for me. 

It's freaking hard already.  All I think about is food.  But I'm really ready for this.  I'm NOT doing this to get "skinny".  Skinny is gross.  I want to be fit.  That is all!  I don't care what the scale says.  I know what size I'd like to get to but the scale won't dictate that. 

I want to start running.  But first I have to clear it with the foot surgeon.  I'll see him next week.  Good times!

I'll post the highs and the lows.  So follow along as I strive to lose over 100 pounds.  Oh and I'm doing this without surgery, pills or stupid hormones.  The only pill I'll take is a vitamin. 

Cheers!

I'm Plastering This All Over My House!

I LOVE this quote!  I need to print this out and plaster it all over.  I want to see this in every room.  I want to never forget!  If I start today I will thank myself in a year.  I'll thank myself if I only lose 30-40 pounds!  I'll thank myself because I will feel better, I'll fit into smaller clothes!  It won't take as much effort to tie my shoes.  I won't huff and puff my way up a flight of stairs.  My battle with overeating and binging will be a little bit easier to over come.  


So, what do you want to start today that you'll be thanking yourself for in a year?  Do you want to learn a new hobby?  Do you want to exercise more?  Do you want to control your eating?  Do you want to get control of your finances?


You can start anything!  Imagine how good it will feel in a year?  Think about how fast this last year has flown by.  The time will go just as fast.  So, what do you say?  What should we start today?

New Theme Song?

My baby sister was down in Utah a couple of weeks ago and she asked if I had really listened to the words of Katy Perry's song, Firework.  I had heard the song but never really listened to the words.  

 

She played me the song and I was amazed!  I like Katy Perry but never thought that she'd produce a song that could should be everyone's anthem.

Here is the video with the words...

 

If you don't want to watch the video here are the words...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

 

What do you think?  Awesome huh?  Let's all be fireworks!

 

 

My Coping Bucket Project

I have decided to provide a "coping bucket" to whoever needs and wants one...FREE OF CHARGE!

 

I want to spread the message of love and healing as far as possible.  But I need your help!  Will you post my button on your blog?  Let's get the message that healing is possible out to everyone.  

Email me your name and address to abattleworthwinning@gmail.com and I'll ship one out to you within 2 weeks!

 

Please pass this along.  Let's help everyone we can!

I'm Kickin Depression's Bootay!

I think I need to buy this shirt for me!  I love it.

 

Here's what depression has done to me...I got a huge reminder today when I finally took my baby to pre-school again.

You see, I liked to spend the day in bed.  I could barely function.  My house proves it; so does my son's school attendance.  He didn't want to go so my sick mind said, "great!  I can stay in bed longer."  

 

NO MORE!!  I'm kicking depression where it counts!  And I hope it hurts like heck!  I'm picking myself up.  I'm picking my house up.  I'm picking Carter up from school today!

I told the teacher that I had officially decided to hold him back a year from staring Kindergarten.  She asked if I wanted him to come back to her next year.  I told her that I'd love that.  Then the dose of reality that I knew was coming came...she said that I would have to bring him every day.  He needed it.  Even though I knew it was coming it still stung like crazy.  I felt like the world's worst Mom.

 

I called my husband and we had a good laugh; that cheered me up.  Then I totally thought, she's right.  I need to take responsibility for MY actions.  So depression, how does it feel?  Are you sad that I'm not letting you win today?  Are you hurting because I'm stomping all over your poor, pathetic self?  Good!  I sure hope so because it's making me feel amazing!  

I feel so empowered!  I feel like I can conquer anything right now. 

 

Sorry depression but you are a piece of crap and I want to WILL beat you up!

 

Notes

I jotted down some notes as my friend was speaking on Sunday.  She also showed a couple of video clips that are amazing!  

Here's what I want to remember.  Everything in italics are my thoughts.

Satan entraps us with eating disorders.  He also traps us with other things too; like hatred, fear, poor self esteem, etc.

I am the heroine of my story!

Develop deep beauty.

I am the author of my destiny.

All things broken can be mended and fixed.  It doesn't matter how old we are, how far off the path we've strayed, etc.  

The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones are the way we use them.  LOVE that!

Smile and laugh every day.  

Pray.

Find passions.  I've always loved to try new things.  There are few things that I'm really passionate about.  I think that's OK too because I always have lots to fall back on!

Reverent care for our bodies...respect it.

Learn from yesterday...live for today.

And my favorite...With the Master's touch my masterpiece is created.  

Aren't those great reminders?  I was sitting at the school today waiting for an appointment and I sat across from my reflection.  At first I was disgusted and then I changed my thoughts.  I know that Christ is helping me create a wonderful masterpiece.  No painter creates a true masterpiece in an afternoon.  It takes years sometimes to get it just right.  So I just sat there thinking that little by little the weight will come off as I'm creating this masterpiece. 

Here are the videos she showed.  They are so uplifting!

Coping Bucket

I had the privilege to hear a friend talk about her struggle with an eating disorder.  She's in recovery and is doing so well.  I loved looking at the art therapy she made.  I love art and so I though that I could incorporate art on my own.  So today I created a "coping bucket." 

I bought this bucket a while ago for $1.  I had some old scrapbooking paper laying around and thought that I could come up with something "artsy."  This is what I came up with.  I just tore the paper and crumpled it up.  Then I Modge Podged it onto the bucket.  I found some cute stickers that coordinated with the paper and stuck those on.  Then I wrote some words that remind me of my journey: recovery, freedom, laugh, fun, gentle, let go, faith, endure, strength, relief, God, choices, eating plan

I made slips of paper that have different things to do on them so that when I want to binge or overeat I can pull a slip out complete that activity.  It's a way of getting my mind off of stress and the "need" to eat.  

Here's some ideas: journal, listen to music, play an instrument, draw or paint a picture, go for a drive, take a walk, meditate, read, organize a room or closet, pack some clothes up for charity, take a nap, go to the park, blog, serve someone, work on my affirmation book, work on my hope book.

I know that continuing this art therapy will be good for me.  I can't wait to share what other things I'll make!