First I have to say that I've always been a little judgmental about over weight people. I never understood how that could happen to a person. I didn't battle my weight growing up. I was healthy and very active. After I had my first child I became severely depressed. I had gained so much weight with the pregnancy. Life at home wasn't so great and so I ate to cope with my emotions for the first time in my life. I ate and ate and ate to feel better. But that made me feel worse so I'd eat some more to forget that pain. It's a vicious cycle. I had no idea that what I was doing was an eating disorder. I thought that eating disorders included bulimia and anorexia only. I was wrong!
A few years ago I went to Weight Watchers and lost a bunch of weight (50 pounds). I felt great! I was happy! I was coping well with what life threw at me. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on you again. I found myself turning to alcohol instead of food. What a disaster! I was becoming an alcoholic. I went to a 12-step program and sobered up. I've been sober for over 2 years now!
About that time our youngest son was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease. Our oldest boy had been diagnosed also. It was more than I could take and since I couldn't drink anymore I turned to food again. I binged and compulsively overate like never before. I ended up gaining all the weight back plus some.
It's been two years since his diagnosis and I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I went to a funeral and saw some old friends who didn't even recognize me. What a slap in the face that was.
Here's the truth...I am fat. I am the girl in high school that wished her enemies would grow up and get fat. I guess I am the enemy. I know I'm not the only person in our graduating class to gain weight. But I know now that I have a really big problem on my hands (hips, thighs, stomach too)!
But I'm finally ready to recover. I'm ready to change my behaviors and beat this battle. So this isn't just about my weight loss journey. I am not focusing on that right now. It's about my recovery journey.
I wish that I could just cut food out of my life like I didn't alcohol but I can't. That's why this eating disorder is so hard.
I know that there are people out there that won't agree that compulsive overeating and binging aren't eating disorders but they are WRONG! So follow me as I fight this battle; because this time I'm winning!
You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI've been fat my whole life, I understand the feelings of being ashamed, and all of that.
I need to exercise, that's where my problem lies. I do ok with my eating (except the occasional grazing, which I need go do away with) but I never get out and be active.
Or drink enough water.
I'll be your weightloss buddy, if you'll have me. :)
I can completely understand that it's a disorder. Those are the ones that I really struggle with, too. Compulsive overeating, and binging. I was doing well, until I figured out the sweet things that I could have that wouldn't trigger C's allergy. Now it's hard to fight again.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm gonna be there with you. I need to lose just about five pounds is all, since my weight loss came from cutting out dairy. But, I hope we can help each other with the over-eating and binging and become better eaters - more healthy. Love ya, Tami. You're an inspiration. :)
I just want you to remember how strong you really are. You have been through a lot in your short life and you have come through it all as a winner. You are not alone in your battle and I will support you all along the way. You can do this! I think your coping bucket is brilliant and that we all need one. Thanks for your list of coping skills - I can use all of your suggestions. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you. I know how scary it is to put yourself out there. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my blog at this moment - and you make me want to keep it. Thanks for your support and friendship. We'll make it through this! Love you!
ReplyDeleteSam
I love you lady! Thank you for being courageous enough to share this about you. I have learned so much about strength and honesty and taking time to figure out who I am from you. I am grateful for that.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave and strong woman. Thank you for your example.