Goal Setting

I have NEVER been good at setting goals. Wait, scratch that. I'm good at setting them. I'm just not good at following through with them. Maybe if I post them on here for all the world to see I'll be held a little more accountable.

I've been really thinking today about my priorities in my life and what goals I'd like to set. I was researching on the internet and came across Celestial University. It was just what I was looking for. I am going to earn my Bachelor degree. Here's what I had to do. I had to pick a major. Then I had to choose 8 goals for that major and 5 goals in the College of Theology. Then I had to pick 3 goals in each other college. This is probably not making any sense if you haven't cliked the link. So go click it.

Here's what I'm working on. I've chosen Physical Education as my "major".
1. Exercise 10-15 minutes a day four times a week for one month.
2. Attend an aerobics class or exercise calss regularly for two months.
3. Go for an annual check-up at the doctor.
4. Give yourself a monthly exam for four months.
5. Set a goal to lose weight and do it.
6. Read the Word of Wisdom and make one improvement in your diet that corresponds to its counsel.
7. Take all family members to the dentist for exams.
8. Floss every day!

In the College of Theology I've chosen to:
1. Read 5 articles from recent Ensign magazines or other uplifting religious articles of your choice based on your faith.
2. Read my scriptures every day for one month.
3. Pray twoce a day on your knees for one month.
4. Kindly listen to every question asked of you by those in your household for one week.
5. Study the scriptures as a family every day for one month.

College of Applied Arts:
1. Learn to change a car's flat tire.
2. Re do a piece of furniture.
3. Clean my car inside and out.

College of Business and Economics:
1. Write out and follow a work schedule for one month.
2. Prepare your majoe Sunday meals ahead for 4 consecutive weeks.
3. Pick up and put away anything out of place before retiring and have each family member do the same for one month.

College of Fine Arts:
1. Attend a live symphony, music recital or dance performance.
2. Buy one classical or light classical CD for our home and play it.
3. Read about a famous painter, sculptor or composer.

College of Home Economics:
1. Can a vegetable.
2. Collect a one year supply of basic food items for our house.
3. Have a special candlelight dinner using our nicest dishes.

College of Interior Design:
1. Make new curtains for the family room and basement.
2. Make a floral arrangement for our bedroom.
3. Make a set of placemats or napkins.
4. Frame a family treasure.

College of Language Arts:
1. Write in your jornal at least once a week for three months.
2. Write a narrative, lyric or humourous song or poem.
3. Visit the library once a month for six months.

College of Social Science:
1. Do one act of compassionate service a month for four months.
2. Read an article a week for four weeks from a current news magazine.
3. Buy a world globe for our home.

College of Phychology:
1. Strive to be patient, kind, and understanding to everyone in your house for one week.
2. Plan and take one weekend or one day out of town with just your husband or close friend.
3. Change something about your appearance that you have wanted to for a while. Stay tuned for that one. I know exactly what I'm going to change.

This is going to be fun!

What A Difference A Day Makes

Today has been a good day. A dear friend of mine posted something about me and it touched me in ways that I can't even express. You can link from here. I am a white raspberry! Thank you Sam. I love you.

So Much To Say

I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what I wanted to write about. Do I remember any of it? Of course not! I'm not sure even where to begin. I'll just start with what happened today. I went to a music conference. There were several classes that I went to about becoming a recording artist. During one of the classes we were told to list 5 priorities that we had in life right now. Not one of them included a music career. I love singing. I love having the opportunity to sing with a well known LDS recording artist, Jenny Phillips. I recently auditioned to be a soloist for Jenny and she said that my voice was AMAZING. Yes, she used all caps! It made me feel great. All day long I felt out of place though. I realized that I am so perfectly content being in her choir and sharing an amazing message through song. I don't want to put in the time that it would take to become a recording artist. And that's ok. I still would LOVE to record on Jenny's upcoming CDs and am excited to record a song next Friday for a competition. I'll let you know how it goes. For so long now I've wondered where my life is supposed to go. I received a strong answer to that today. For a long time now I have just had this overwhelming feeling that if I'm doing the things that the Lord wants me to be doing He will lead me down the right paths. I am so happy where I am musically right now. I couldn't ask for more. And if recording with Jenny leads to futher opportunities I will jump at them. I just know that it's something that I'm not supposed to pursue at this point in my life.

I have GOT to get my poop in a pile. My life seems so scattered and unorganized. I feel like my depression in in check so I wonder why I can't seem to keep it together. My house is a wreck and I just don't have the motivation to clean it. The heat doesn't help either. I discovered something today. I am afraid. I am afraid of failing as a wife, a mother, a home maker and at losing this weight that I so desperately want to get rid of forever. I don't want to fail AGAIN.

I had lost 50 pounds. My son got sick and had 3 major operations this last year. And guess what? I packed every single pound back on! I'm so ashamed. I recently had the amazing opportunity to go on tour with Jenny Phillips and some of the most amazing people on earth. I hate how I look in the pictures. How do I stay motivated this time to make it happen again. Should I post pictures every where reminding myself of how fat I've gotten AGAIN? What do I do? I'm so scared to start Weight Watchers again. Do you know how many times I've started over again in the last few months? Let's put it this way...a dear friend and I started the same time way back when. I've gained and she's lost over 35 pounds.

I know this is something I have to do for myself. No one else can do this for me. I truly think this is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life. I'm going to do it this time. I'm going to use my blog to keep me motivated. I hope you will come along for the ride. I know it will get bumpy but knowing I have people following me will mean so much.

I'm sick of being a dissappointment. For my whole life I've felt like that. I've never been good enough. I'm still not to some people and I just have to deal with those feelings. Why am I not good enough for them? Why is it that everyone else around me tells me I am an amazing person but they can't see it? I know! It's perspective. They just see the bad. And they let the bad fester and it eats them alive. I don't know how anyone can truly be happy living like that. I am a good person. I make mistakes. I forget things. I am human. I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I want to have people tell me their sorry. I want to forgive. I NEED to forgive. I NEED to forgive myself. But I'm not sure how to do it. When you've grown up feeling like a failure...well it's a HARD thing to overcome.

Wow! This is not where I thought I'd go with this post. But I'm hurting tonight. I am in mourning for the losses and the gains, the heartaches I've had recently, the realization that I will never be enough for some people. I need to let them go. I need to surround myself with postitive, uplifting people. But what do you do when what you really want will probably never happen?

Obviously I am sad and lonely tonight. I just want to be loved for who I am. I want to know what that feels like. I tell my kids I love them several times a day. My daughter asks me "Mom, why do you always tell me you love me?" Because kiddo, I never want there to be any kind of doubt in your mind EVER.

It's so important to tell those that you've hurt that you are sorry. And I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone. There is a saying that says something like this...you don't need to say that you are sorry. Your enemies don't care and your friends already know. I hate that saying. It's not true. And so I'm sorry. I'm sorry Tami for gaining the weight back. I'm sorry Tami for telling you horrible things about your body and your self worth. I won't do it again. You are amazing. You can do this! You do have friends and some family that adore you for who you are despite your flaws. It's ok that you forget things some times. It's ok that things are late and life goes on. It's ok. You have people who love you and can forgive you!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

I Love My Arms!!

I am a self loather. I say the most horrible things to myself. It's something I've been working on for a LOOOONNNGGG time now. I picked up a copy of Weight Watchers magazine the other day at the store. There is an article in it that has totally changed my perspective about my body and the way I "talk" to myself. It's called "Beat the Body Blues." You too can learn to flex your "self-esteem" muscle.
One of the suggestions was once a week stand in front of a mirror and focus on a different praiseworthy body part. Are you thinking they same thing I am? NO WAY... are no praiseworthy body parts on this body YET. But I tried it and loved it. I look at my arms in a completely different way. I used to hate the way they flapped in the breeze and bulged out from certain sleeves. I love them now because they help me. They have helped me carry my children. They held them as babies. They cook delicious meals. They have created many crafty craft projects. They hug my friends. They clap at my kids' dance recitals. They can type! They hugged my husband which made him fall in love with me. I love my legs too. They have carried me through some tough times. When I thought I couldn't take one more step they did!
I have an amazing body and so do you! It might not be at the weight I want and need it to be but it gives me amazing experiences every single day.
Changing my thinking has changed me for the better!

What I've Realized

I realized something last night about myself. I am terrible at doing things that TRULY make me happy and re-fill my "bucket". It's time that I really sit down and think about those things and prioritize my life. Do you know what I miss that truly, truly made me happy? Coupon shopping. Have you ever done that? I used to get 4 copies of the Sunday paper and that was my Sunday ritual in the morning. I would gather all of the ads and organize. I'm getting happy just remembering about it. I would have my excel spreadsheet with all the store's "deals" and go shopping. I got a thrill off of seeing how much I'd saved each time I shopped. I used to save $200-$300 on a single grocery shopping trip. My receipt would be taller than I am. I miss those days. I know what I'm doing this weekend! I'm getting my subscription back.
I need to take time to prioritize the activities in my life. I feel so scattered and I HATE that feeling. I feel like I have no control. I also LOVE to organize everything but you wouldn't know it because right now my house is no where near organized. My craft room has become a dumping ground. So that means no crafts and an unhappy me. It's time to get my life back in "order".
Maybe I'll post before and after pictures of my organizational projects.
I'm sick of being depressed again. It's a terrible place to be. My weight loss is ZILCH. I need to get my life back. I am addicted to this stupid computer. I'm on it all the time. It's terrible. So I'm taking a HUGE step for me and turning it off during the day. I can feel my heart start beating faster as I type this. I can do it. Hello...maybe if I turn off the computer and put my "addictions" aside I can get the stuff done that is really a priority.

In A Major Funk

Are there any Glee fans out there? Tuesday's episode was about being in a funk and what you can do to get out of it. I am in a funk...big time. I've been a little down this last week. I wasn't sure why until last night. Last night was the final dance performance my kids were in. The end of the performance was really special. I saw what true, unconditional love from a loved one looks like. It's too personal to really share on my blog. But it made me want to be a better person and more importantly a better mother. I never want there to be ANY doubt in their little minds that I love them unconditionally. I asked my daughter if she's ever felt that I don't love her and she gave me this look like..."Mom, are you serious? That is such a lame question." Whew...I was so relieved. I'm so glad that I have the type of relationship I do with my kids. Anyway I came home last night and checked my email and facebook accounts. Again...I won't go into details but I started sobbing because of something someone wrote. I knew it was intended for me and that hurt even more.
I started crying, no sobbing. It was almost as if years of hurt and pain came out in my tears.
So what did I do? I immediately walked into the kitchen and started eating pizza of all things. And then I got even more upset. I was standing by the kitchen sing crying when my husband walked in. I fell into his arms and he just let me cry there. Boy this is getting personal and you are probably wondering why I am sharing this. I just want to know how you have overcome the need to eat when life gets sad or stressing. I honestly feel so very alone right now. Actually that's not true. I feel sad for relationships lost and relationships that I thought were great but really aren't so. I LOVE and thank those that love me and support me despite my faults and mistakes. Now how do I over come the food addiction?? HELP!!

Take A Tour With Me

Welcome to our blog tour! I hope you enjoy the tour of some pretty cool blogs. Make sure you check them all out. Just click on the link below and then click on their link, etc. You'll eventually end up back at my blog!

I am just beginning my weight loss journey. Ok...that' not entirely true. A couple of years ago I lost almost 50 pounds. I gained almost all of it back. So now I'm at it again. This is me now. It was taken while I was singing at a good friend's wedding. She posted it on facebook and I just about died. How did I squeeze my big, fat boobs into that? I won't be wearing this shirt again for a while! So here it is...my "before" picture.

I've only lost about 4 pounds. But hey...it's 4 pounds! I'm following the Weight Watchers Momentum program. I have a gym membership that I try to go to regularly. I absolutely LOVE Zumba. It's offered a few times a week at the gym and it's so much fun. You'll never know you are getting a GREAT workout in.

This rice pudding is my all time favorite snack right now. It's only 1 point! I've eaten Kozy Shack Rice Pudding for years now and I never knew they had a healthy version of it. I was so happy when I found this. It's worth every penny I spend on it!

The biggest life lesson I've learned is forgiveness. I tend to beat myself up over everything. I say terrible things to myself and I'm trying so hard to stop that and to forgive myself. I have had to let go of the fact that I gained so much weight back and that's been good for me. I believe in myself and I WILL do it again.

The biggest strength I've discovered it that I can stop eating when I'm full and that I don't have to fear the feeling of being hungry. I totally used food as comfort. I would stuff myself silly and that would be comfortable for me. Even changing my eating over the last little while has shown me that I feel so much better when I don't over eat and when I eat the right things. It's empowering to stop and put my fork down or cover my plate with my napkin.

My toughest struggle has been exercise. I'm just not in the habit of doing it. I have a gym membership now and NEED to get my bootie there so my membership doesn't go to waste. I've got to figure out what system works for me. I think it will be a lot easier when my kids are out of school and I can go really early in the morning.

My biggest supporter has been my friend Sam. She probably doesn't know that but it's true. I joined WW when she did but I quit twice since she's been doing it. It's been hard this time. And she has encouraged me and loved me. She keeps me going. My husband is also a support. I got him to join too! Tonight is his first meeting.

When I make it to goal I plan to go crazy shopping! Before I was heavy my closet was FULL of GAP clothes. I can't wait to shop there again. I just can't wait to go into a store and know that I can shop in any section I want to! I can't wait to buy a cute swim suit. I might need a tummy tuck first! :)

I'm not sure what I would've wanted someone to say to me when I started WW again. I would tell someone to let go of fear. I know I was afraid. I was afraid of failure and of it not working. It does work! It's hard but good work. I can do it, you can do it! I'm your cheerleader! Now let's put our forks down and get to work!

The next blog on the tour is Anne's blog at Smaller Fun Pants. I hope you enjoy the tour!