Thursday, January 21, 2010

So Much To Say

I have so much on my mind right now. I had an appt. with Dr. Mike last week. He walked in and asked how I was doingl My immediate reaction was "I'm doing really good". We chatted for a minute and then he asked why I wasn't taking my ADD meds. I gave some lame excuses and then promised him that I would stay on them because I need them. It really is a pain to go in every month to get my Rx but I did promise him. He then asked me if I was having suicidal thoughts. I had promised myself a long time ago that I'd be honest with him because I really did want to get better. I thought about it for a minute and then told him yes. I think about it everyday. I didn't think it was a big deal because they are just fleeting thoughts. They aren't ones that I was thinking were a big deal because I wouldn't really do it. He told me that those were NOT normal. I had grown so used to having them everyday that they did become normal to me. That was the first time that someone had told me that it's NOT. Honestly it was shocking to hear. I thought that I was doing so much better. And I am I just now know that it's not ok to think about dying everyday. So if you are and you think it's ok because you know you'd never really follow through with them (like me) go get help!!

He upped my meds. I am still getting used to the medication. I am really tired. But I am so happy to be back on my ADD meds. I don't get irritated as much when I get interrupted. It was very frustrating for me when I was concentrating so hard on something and then one of my kids needed something because it would take me forever to try and re-focus.

I used to be so ashamed of my depression. I hid behind a "happy mask". I thought I was alone. It's hard for people to be understanding when they don't understand what is going on. I lost friends and frustrated people along the way. This blog has helped me so much and I hope that it's helped others.

Dr. Mike also said something that made me feel better about my depression. He said that our goal was to get into "remission". I had never thought of it like that. I like how he phrased it.

Depression is hard to live with. It truly is a battle that I have to fight on a daily basis. It's not something that I can "snap out of". No one can just snap out of it. And those, like me, who suffer from chronic depression will NEVER be "cured". But we can have it go into "remission". So if you are beating yourself up because you aren't cured STOP!! Accept it as a life long battle that CAN be won!!

You can do it! And you CAN be happy! I know first hand!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Got Called On A Mission!!

Ok...not really. But I did get the amazing book for Christmas and had to give a shout out to Michael McLean for writing what I don't have the talent to write. The advice and music are great. I had been searching for something that would be meaningful and helpful in this fight and I found it. My kids and I turn up the music and sing and dance. They understand the message too. The music is upbeat and energetic to say the least. It's fun. I've accepted my "call" and am now on the Mission 2 Be Happy.
Here are the songs that are on the CD:
1.Mission 2 Be Happy
2.Sick 'n Tired (of being sick 'n tired)
4. You Don't Know How Long This is Gonna Last
5.With Paul and John
6.I Don't Need a Sign
7. Someone Else
8. I've Got To Find Out Who I Am
9. One
10. The Toodle-OO
11. See Us Shine
12.What D'ya Got
13. Use Words
14. Something Perfect

So do you want a call too? You can! You can order it here.

I have learned that happiness is a choice. And on my really bad days I literally have to tell myself out happy, don't yell, it's ok, get up!, get showered, etc. It has made a huge difference in my life. So make the choice to be happy!