Monday, June 21, 2010

I Love My Arms!!

I am a self loather. I say the most horrible things to myself. It's something I've been working on for a LOOOONNNGGG time now. I picked up a copy of Weight Watchers magazine the other day at the store. There is an article in it that has totally changed my perspective about my body and the way I "talk" to myself. It's called "Beat the Body Blues." You too can learn to flex your "self-esteem" muscle.
One of the suggestions was once a week stand in front of a mirror and focus on a different praiseworthy body part. Are you thinking they same thing I am? NO WAY... are no praiseworthy body parts on this body YET. But I tried it and loved it. I look at my arms in a completely different way. I used to hate the way they flapped in the breeze and bulged out from certain sleeves. I love them now because they help me. They have helped me carry my children. They held them as babies. They cook delicious meals. They have created many crafty craft projects. They hug my friends. They clap at my kids' dance recitals. They can type! They hugged my husband which made him fall in love with me. I love my legs too. They have carried me through some tough times. When I thought I couldn't take one more step they did!
I have an amazing body and so do you! It might not be at the weight I want and need it to be but it gives me amazing experiences every single day.
Changing my thinking has changed me for the better!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What I've Realized

I realized something last night about myself. I am terrible at doing things that TRULY make me happy and re-fill my "bucket". It's time that I really sit down and think about those things and prioritize my life. Do you know what I miss that truly, truly made me happy? Coupon shopping. Have you ever done that? I used to get 4 copies of the Sunday paper and that was my Sunday ritual in the morning. I would gather all of the ads and organize. I'm getting happy just remembering about it. I would have my excel spreadsheet with all the store's "deals" and go shopping. I got a thrill off of seeing how much I'd saved each time I shopped. I used to save $200-$300 on a single grocery shopping trip. My receipt would be taller than I am. I miss those days. I know what I'm doing this weekend! I'm getting my subscription back.
I need to take time to prioritize the activities in my life. I feel so scattered and I HATE that feeling. I feel like I have no control. I also LOVE to organize everything but you wouldn't know it because right now my house is no where near organized. My craft room has become a dumping ground. So that means no crafts and an unhappy me. It's time to get my life back in "order".
Maybe I'll post before and after pictures of my organizational projects.
I'm sick of being depressed again. It's a terrible place to be. My weight loss is ZILCH. I need to get my life back. I am addicted to this stupid computer. I'm on it all the time. It's terrible. So I'm taking a HUGE step for me and turning it off during the day. I can feel my heart start beating faster as I type this. I can do it. Hello...maybe if I turn off the computer and put my "addictions" aside I can get the stuff done that is really a priority.

Friday, June 4, 2010

In A Major Funk

Are there any Glee fans out there? Tuesday's episode was about being in a funk and what you can do to get out of it. I am in a funk...big time. I've been a little down this last week. I wasn't sure why until last night. Last night was the final dance performance my kids were in. The end of the performance was really special. I saw what true, unconditional love from a loved one looks like. It's too personal to really share on my blog. But it made me want to be a better person and more importantly a better mother. I never want there to be ANY doubt in their little minds that I love them unconditionally. I asked my daughter if she's ever felt that I don't love her and she gave me this look like..."Mom, are you serious? That is such a lame question." Whew...I was so relieved. I'm so glad that I have the type of relationship I do with my kids. Anyway I came home last night and checked my email and facebook accounts. Again...I won't go into details but I started sobbing because of something someone wrote. I knew it was intended for me and that hurt even more.
I started crying, no sobbing. It was almost as if years of hurt and pain came out in my tears.
So what did I do? I immediately walked into the kitchen and started eating pizza of all things. And then I got even more upset. I was standing by the kitchen sing crying when my husband walked in. I fell into his arms and he just let me cry there. Boy this is getting personal and you are probably wondering why I am sharing this. I just want to know how you have overcome the need to eat when life gets sad or stressing. I honestly feel so very alone right now. Actually that's not true. I feel sad for relationships lost and relationships that I thought were great but really aren't so. I LOVE and thank those that love me and support me despite my faults and mistakes. Now how do I over come the food addiction?? HELP!!