I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm doing well. I think the new meds are working now. I don't feel quite as depressed as I was before. I didn't go to work today though. I've quit my job and I can't wait until I don't have to go back. I enjoyed my time there but it's time for me to be at home. I can't get better if I stay there. I've decided that I don't need anymore toxic environments anymore in my life. I'm eliminating any stressers that I can. Obviously you can't remove all of life's stressers. Wouldn't that be great? Now I just have to learn some better coping skills. I'm still using my safety plan!
I had a tough session with my therapist this week. It was awesome though because I realized a lot of things. I've been needing help learning to trust myself and others. I've had a heck of a time opening up to my husband. You'd think that after almost 11 years of marriage I'd have it down but I'm JUST now beginning to do that. It's been really scary but wonderful for me at the same time. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. But I KNOW that I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. He loves me for who I am!! He doesn't try to change me. I'm wacky and crazy and don't like to follow the "trends". I am my own person and he loves that about me. Although I know there are things that drive him crazy!! Like my new "hobby/obsession"...Sudoku. Babe, you can blame UNI for that! I've always wanted to learn to play and someone taught me when I was in the hospital. Umm...ADD moment...back to the whole theapist thing. I love my therapist and I'm happy that after a year of "therapy" I'm just now beginning to get to the hard stuff.
Sometimes I feel badly about myself that I'm mentally ill (I guess you'd say that because I will never be off meds) and it's been really hard to come to grips with that. Everyone says "well a diabetic needs meds it's the same thing". I hear that but I don't feel it by any means. So here I am trying to come to grips with my illness. An illness that MANY, MANY people don't understand and judge. If you are one of those please stop right now! Realize that this is a serious thing and that there are many people who can't control depression with diet, exercise, scriptures, church, etc. I have been so very, very blessed with supportive people in my life. I really think I'd be much worse off without a good support system. Thank you to those that love me! I love you too!